The Boyfriend Paradox: Why Having a Partner Feels Embarrassing Now
Recently, I came across an interesting article published by British Vogue magazine titled "Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?" written by Chanté Joseph, a cultural journalist and content strategist. This article came to my attention after I noticed a considerable amount of social media posts and content created by other women commenting on and creating creative posts mocking the title—for example, "Vogue just published an article one day after my breakup, what an amazing time to be a woman," or something like that. What really sparked my interest as a sociologist interested in relationships in this postmodern digital dynamic is: why is this the narrative, and why now? What is the motive? Does it really resonate with women's experiences in dating at this time?
There are a few universal cultural norms that glorify a woman's traditional role and responsibilities that are still valid in society today, anywhere in the world, whether it is in the global north or south.
This line from the article reflects on the fact that "men," metaphorically in society, are considered a resource or prize, and "having a man" is associated with having earned that prize. Like any other resource in your life, you have to maintain and keep it as a woman. Being in that position as a woman creates the utmost desire to be loved and accepted by a man/male partner. It is as if, before you have a man, your own value, worth, and achievements are not considered valuable in this society. It is the presence of a man—be it a man/boyfriend/partner—that makes a woman more acceptable, and it is a form of social recognition for her that she is complete now.
This line from the article directly indicates the dilemma and paradox that women in this time go through. They have gone through enough experiences where they have realized that they can never fully trust and depend on their partner, but on the other side, they navigate their connection with men for maintaining social acceptance. It is very critical to understand this new revolution where women are more aware of this phenomenon and are negotiating their position every day to position themselves in this society.
Women today are more aware and informed by themselves about how different patriarchal structure-originated concepts influence them to seek out their partner for life with the idea of "romance and love." But in reality, they have to take on the double burden and provide more in the dynamic of a partnership in return for short-term financial gain from their partner, but the emotional and labor work that they face is more than what these temporary partnerships provide for them. It is very rational that no party will be in an agreement if they are not seeing some sort of benefit in a partnership.
This part of the article shows how being in a partnership that demands more from a woman exhausts them, and they cannot afford to leave, thinking about the securities and social acceptance they get out of it, which maybe the state and the society have failed to provide to women to this date.